Introversion vs Shyness | Mikateko Mathebula
22 January 2022 · 5 min · as at 2022-01-22
Mikateko Mathebula (guest)
Listen to the episode on iono.fm · MP3
About the guest
Mikateko Mathebula
Describes herself as an extreme introvert with a little bit of shyness on top; gave a TED Talk titled Shyness versus Introversion.
In Mikateko's own words:
“This story is the inspiration behind my TED Talk, Shyness versus Introversion, because I realized that it was important for the world to know the difference.”
Guest details come from the published episode notes or the guest's own words in the episode.
Episode analysis
Analysis by AI, drawn only from this episode; every point links to the moment it rests on.
A short talk by Mikateko Mathebula, presented as her TED Talk, on the difference between introversion and shyness. She argues the two are often confused but are different concepts. She tells a personal story about a night out with her older sister's friends. She then offers definitions and nine pointers, drawn from a 2021 Healthline article, for telling the two apart. She closes by saying that understanding her introversion helps her play to her strengths.
Key ideas
- Mikateko argues that introversion and shyness are often confused but are completely different concepts, even though they share traits like quietness in crowds. [00:11]▸ [00:18]▸
- She defines shyness as awkwardness or anxiety in social settings and fear of others' judgement, and introversion as choosing to be alone. [01:39]▸ [01:45]▸
- She says that her introversion and shyness combined on one night out, and that her behaviour could have been perceived as rude. [00:41]▸ [00:41]▸ [00:56]▸ [01:22]▸
- She says physical anxiety, panic when speaking and negative self-feelings point to shyness rather than introversion. [02:37]▸ [02:47]▸ [03:08]▸
- She says introverts recharge alone by choice, open up to few people and are good at self-reflection. [02:30]▸ [03:02]▸ [03:36]▸ [03:55]▸
- She argues there is nothing wrong with preferring solitude, and that deep, reflective thinkers have their place in the world. [04:12]▸ [04:29]▸ [04:38]▸
Pointers to tell introversion from shyness
- Needing time alone to recharge after socialising signals introversion.
- Shaking hands, sweating or feeling trapped at gatherings suggests shyness more than introversion.
- Panicking and stumbling over words when communicating suggests shyness.
- Being happy alone by choice signals introversion.
- Negative feelings about oneself and a belief that others judge you point to shyness.
- Preferring texting to face-to-face talk is an introvert trait.
- Being careful whom you open up to, often having one close person, suggests introversion.
- Caring almost too much about others, even those who judge, is typical of shy people.
- Strong awareness of one's emotions and good self-reflection suggest introversion.
As described in the episode: [01:39]▸ [02:30]▸ [02:37]▸ [02:47]▸ [03:02]▸ [03:08]▸ [03:26]▸ [03:36]▸ [03:47]▸ [03:47]▸ [03:55]▸
Lessons
- Mikateko suggests that quiet behaviour among people you don't know well may be read as shyness or rudeness, even when it comes from introversion. [00:33]▸ [00:56]▸ [01:22]▸
- She suggests watching for anxiety symptoms such as shaking, sweating or panicking when speaking, which point to shyness rather than introversion. [02:37]▸ [02:47]▸
- She says that understanding your own introverted tendencies lets you play to your strengths and recognise the signs in others. [04:12]▸
- She says a person can be a mix of both introversion and shyness. [00:33]▸ [01:23]▸
Who it's for
Teenagers, parents and teachers who want a simple way to tell introversion from shyness, and quiet people who feel misunderstood as stuck up or antisocial.
Facts stated in the episode
- Mikateko's pointers drew on an article written earlier in 2021 by Jeffrey Tetzel at Healthline. [02:13]▸
- Her TED Talk is titled Shyness versus Introversion. [01:30]▸
- The sister's friends she went out with were in their 20s. [00:41]▸
- She attributes the line 'quiet people have the loudest minds' to Stephen Hawking. [04:38]▸
Questions this episode answers
- Is being an introvert the same as being shy?Mikateko says no. She says they are often confused and share traits like quietness in crowds, but they are completely different concepts. [00:11]▸ [00:18]▸
- What is the difference between shyness and introversion?She defines shyness as feeling awkward or anxious in social gatherings and fearing what others think, and introversion as choosing to be alone. [01:39]▸ [01:45]▸
- How can I tell if I'm shy rather than introverted?She says shaking hands, sweating, feeling unable to escape, panicking when talking and negative feelings about yourself point to shyness. [02:37]▸ [02:47]▸ [03:08]▸
- What are signs that someone is an introvert?She lists needing alone time to recharge, being happy alone by choice, preferring texting, opening up to few people, and strong self-awareness and self-reflection. [02:30]▸ [03:02]▸ [03:26]▸ [03:36]▸ [03:55]▸
- Can you be both introverted and shy?Yes, by her own account. She calls herself an extreme introvert with a little shyness on top, and says the two joined forces one night. [00:33]▸ [01:22]▸
- Why might a quiet person come across as rude?She describes keeping her headset in and ignoring her sister's friends, and later realising her behaviour could have been perceived as rude. [00:56]▸ [01:22]▸
- Is there anything wrong with preferring to be alone?She argues there is nothing wrong with it and says deep, reflective thinkers have as much place in the world as anyone. [04:12]▸ [04:29]▸
In their own words
Longer stretches of the conversation, word for word from the transcript, turn by turn.
A night out that inspired the talk
Note (AI): Mikateko's own story shows how introversion and shyness combined in one evening could be read as rudeness, and why she chose this topic.
Mikateko Mathebula, guest · [00:41]For example, once I went out with my older sister who was meeting up with a couple of friends, who mind you, were in their 20s. I'm not gonna lie, my social anxiety was kicking in really hard, and so, of course, my introverted nature got the best of me. The whole time I had my head set plugged in and just minding my own business. I didn't socialize with …
Read the full passage (181 words, 00:41-01:38)
Mikateko Mathebula, guest · [00:41]For example, once I went out with my older sister who was meeting up with a couple of friends, who mind you, were in their 20s. I'm not gonna lie, my social anxiety was kicking in really hard, and so, of course, my introverted nature got the best of me. The whole time I had my head set plugged in and just minding my own business. I didn't socialize with them and basically just ignored them. When about to separate at the end of the night, one friend commented, "You're so shy it's not even funny." I thought to myself, well, first of all, you guys are nearly double my age, so we literally have nothing in common. Second of all, I'd rather been at home Netflixing than being out here. And then I realized that my introversion and shyness had joined forces that night and that my behavior could have been perceived as rude. This story is the inspiration behind my TED Talk, Shyness versus Introversion, because I realized that it was important for the world to know the difference.
Definitions and first seven pointers
Note (AI): Gives her working definitions and a checklist listeners can use to ask whether they are introverted, shy, or both.
Mikateko Mathebula, guest · [01:39]Shyness is the state of being awkward or anxious in social gatherings and fearing what others might think of you. Introversion is just choosing to be alone, maybe Netflixing or reading a book, sipping coffee next to that cozy fireplace. I know I sure am speaking for some introverts out there who would say that sounds like heaven. Now that I've told you one of my stories and given you …
Read the full passage (363 words, 01:39-03:46)
Mikateko Mathebula, guest · [01:39]Shyness is the state of being awkward or anxious in social gatherings and fearing what others might think of you. Introversion is just choosing to be alone, maybe Netflixing or reading a book, sipping coffee next to that cozy fireplace. I know I sure am speaking for some introverts out there who would say that sounds like heaven. Now that I've told you one of my stories and given you short definitions of shyness and introversion, some of you may be wondering if you fall into one of these categories, or maybe like me, a bit into both. You may be asking yourself, am I really introverted or just extremely shy? With help from an article written earlier in 2021 by Jeffrey Tetzel at Healthline, I was able to come up with a few pointers on how to differentiate between introversion and shyness, and hopefully these pointers can help you answer your questions too. Pointer one, being able to boost a lot of people but needing some time alone to recharge is a sign of being an introvert. Pointer two, if you're attending a gathering and your hands start shaking, you start to sweat with anxiety or feel like you can't escape, you're probably more shy than introverted. Pointer three, unlike introverts who are able to communicate without any problems, shy people sometimes start to panic when trying to communicate, stumbling and tumbling over their words and making the anxiety even worse. Pointer four, introverts are happy and comfortable spending time by themselves, and they do so because they choose to. Pointer five, shy individuals often have negative feelings towards themselves, and this plays a huge role as to why they struggle to be socially active. These negative feelings tend to make them believe that others are judging them or painting an inaccurate picture of them. Pointer six, introverted people prefer to use their phones for texting when communicating rather than using them to talk to other people face to face. Pointer seven. Most introverts are careful about who they open up to. They would generally only have one person that they hang out with, sometimes to talk when going through rough times.
Final pointers and embracing introversion
Note (AI): Closes the checklist and explains how understanding her introversion helps her play to her strengths and support others.
Mikateko Mathebula, guest · [03:47]Pointer eight. Shy people are often those individuals who care almost too much about others, even those who judge them for their shyness. Nine. Introverts are very aware of their emotions and feelings, which generally make them good at self-reflections. They can quickly identify when they've done wrong or hurt someone unintentionally. Hopefully these pointers can help you as much as they help me unravel the difference between being shy …
Read the full passage (170 words, 03:47-04:43)
Mikateko Mathebula, guest · [03:47]Pointer eight. Shy people are often those individuals who care almost too much about others, even those who judge them for their shyness. Nine. Introverts are very aware of their emotions and feelings, which generally make them good at self-reflections. They can quickly identify when they've done wrong or hurt someone unintentionally. Hopefully these pointers can help you as much as they help me unravel the difference between being shy and being an introvert. Now that I understand my introverted tendencies, I can work more on playing to my strengths, recognizing these signs in others, and perhaps even help others to see that there's nothing wrong with us just because we prefer to be alone or watch a movie with one friend rather than go to a party. We think deeply and reflectively, so there is as much place in the world for us as there is for the experts who find all of this so much easier. Remember what Stephen Hawking taught us: quiet people have the loudest minds.
Quotes
“I'm not stuck up, I'm not antisocial, I just appreciate your connection.”
“Second of all, I'd rather been at home Netflixing than being out here.”
“my introversion and shyness had joined forces that night”
“I know I sure am speaking for some introverts out there who would say that sounds like heaven.”
“there's nothing wrong with us just because we prefer to be alone or watch a movie with one friend rather than go to a party.”
“We think deeply and reflectively, so there is as much place in the world for us as there is for the experts who find all of this so much easier.”
“Remember what Stephen Hawking taught us: quiet people have the loudest minds.”
What was said, by topic
Introversion versus shyness
“Being an introvert is often confused with being shy, whereas in reality, the two are completely different concepts.”
“Although the two do share similar characteristics, such as not talking in large crowds, thinking before opening our mouths, or just having that one specific friend or that small group of friends to hang out with freely because we have no choice.”
“This story is the inspiration behind my TED Talk, Shyness versus Introversion, because I realized that it was important for the world to know the difference.”
“Shyness is the state of being awkward or anxious in social gatherings and fearing what others might think of you.”
“Introversion is just choosing to be alone, maybe Netflixing or reading a book, sipping coffee next to that cozy fireplace.”
Personal story
“I'm an extreme introvert with a little bit of shyness on top. I've been described as both, depending on how close a relationship I have with the person.”
“For example, once I went out with my older sister who was meeting up with a couple of friends, who mind you, were in their 20s. I'm not gonna lie, my social anxiety was kicking in really hard, and so, of course, my introverted nature got the best of me.”
“The whole time I had my head set plugged in and just minding my own business. I didn't socialize with them and basically just ignored them. When about to separate at the end of the night, one friend commented, "You're so shy it's not even funny."”
Social anxiety
“And then I realized that my introversion and shyness had joined forces that night and that my behavior could have been perceived as rude.”
“Pointer two, if you're attending a gathering and your hands start shaking, you start to sweat with anxiety or feel like you can't escape, you're probably more shy than introverted.”
“Pointer three, unlike introverts who are able to communicate without any problems, shy people sometimes start to panic when trying to communicate, stumbling and tumbling over their words and making the anxiety even worse.”
“Pointer five, shy individuals often have negative feelings towards themselves, and this plays a huge role as to why they struggle to be socially active. These negative feelings tend to make them believe that others are judging them or painting an inaccurate picture of them.”
“Pointer eight. Shy people are often those individuals who care almost too much about others, even those who judge them for their shyness.”
Signs of introversion
“With help from an article written earlier in 2021 by Jeffrey Tetzel at Healthline, I was able to come up with a few pointers on how to differentiate between introversion and shyness,”
“Pointer one, being able to boost a lot of people but needing some time alone to recharge is a sign of being an introvert.”
“Pointer four, introverts are happy and comfortable spending time by themselves, and they do so because they choose to.”
“Pointer six, introverted people prefer to use their phones for texting when communicating rather than using them to talk to other people face to face.”
“Pointer seven. Most introverts are careful about who they open up to. They would generally only have one person that they hang out with, sometimes to talk when going through rough times.”
“Nine. Introverts are very aware of their emotions and feelings, which generally make them good at self-reflections. They can quickly identify when they've done wrong or hurt someone unintentionally.”
Self-understanding
“Now that I understand my introverted tendencies, I can work more on playing to my strengths, recognizing these signs in others, and perhaps even help others to see that there's nothing wrong with us just because we prefer to be alone or watch a movie with one friend rather than go to a party.”
“We think deeply and reflectively, so there is as much place in the world for us as there is for the experts who find all of this so much easier.”
Episode notes (as published)
From the episode notes published with the podcast.
I'm not Stuck up. I'm not anti-social. I just appreciate true connection. Edu Inc website · Facebook (Public) · Facebook (closed group) · Twitter (closed group) · YouTube · Review us on Google
Every quotation and passage on this page is copied word for word from the episode audio transcript and linked to the moment it was said. Quotations are never written or altered by AI; topic labels, passage notes and the episode analysis are AI-generated. Guest details come from the published episode notes or the guest's own words.